The Living Artist

“NOT YOURS II” by Heather Keith Freeman
11″x14″, pen and ink on watercolor paper

Image description: A woman seen from front and below in black and white. Behind her float the words in white ‘NOT YOUR BODY / NOT YOUR LIFE / NOT YOUR BUSINESS’ . In her right hand she holds a paintbrush against her abdomen, where written in white is ‘NOT YOURS’.

As the political attacks against women’s humanity continue, so does this series.

(See also: NOT YOURS)

Technical notes:
I’m in the midst of some extensive digital edits to this before I make prints available. I’m having issues with my scanner (a Canon MP860) blurring everything but whatever is in the very middle of the platen. What I end up with is good enough for web, but I’m reluctant to put it up for sale in larger formats as is. Any artists out there have recommendations for scanners that don’t do this, or ways to make it stop doing this? I am Most Aggravated.

“Hope” by Heather Keith Freeman
8″x10″, pen and ink on watercolor paper

Image description: A young white girl with long, straight blue hair extends a hand holding a small sphere of light towards the viewer. Behind her, a bifurcated background; dark green and brown on the right, gold and yellow on the left.

Hope.

When all the world is turmoil and doubt, when the despair taints everything we touch and chance thoughts release tears and collapse the fragile scaffolding shielding our bruised souls from a brutal world -

Even then, we can choose. We can choose to turn back to the darkness, stifling in its weight but comforting in its familiarity, or we can choose to take the light offered to us by Hope.

Sometimes the light is too much, it burns our tender skin and rips scabs off of wounds not healed enough to bear the open air – but even then, just to know it is there may be enough to keep the dark from swallowing us whole.

The myth of Pandora has two versions. In one, she opens the box and all the monsters escape to plague humanity, but the bright butterfly of Hope follows them to keep humanity from utter despair. In another, she closes the box just in time to trap Hope inside.

The two versions illustrate our choice, even in the blackest moments. This is not the “just snap out of it” choice offered to us by disinterested professionals and well-meaning but clueless friends. This is the choice that is the fundamental essence of free will, holding the awareness of a different path even if we are not yet ready to set foot upon it. Maybe the spark of Hope is too blinding to reach for, too strange to comprehend, but even now we can remember she exists. And she will always, always be there, to offer us the light and take our hands, as gently as we need, and to tell us it’s going to be okay.

It’s going to be okay.

Movements #4 by Heather Keith Freeman
4″x6″, pen and ink on watercolor paper

Image description: A nude woman throws her head back in graceful movement against a background of mellifluous green.

Here’s the fourth in my Movements series, a set of small-scale portraits of women experiencing the joy of dynamic embodiment.

I began this as an experiment with pen color, to see what effects I could get with a brown pen instead of a black one. Matching shades for the shadows was so difficult, though, that almost all of it ended up black again. There might be a bit here and there that’s still brown, but you’d have to look pretty close to tell.

Any frustration from that, though, is mitigated by that background. Oh, that green just turned out so, so beautifully! It gives me happy artist shivers :)

“The Shattering” by Heather Keith Freeman
11″x15″, pen and ink on watercolor paper

Image description: A woman shown from the hips up, head thrown back and arms extended. Behind her head explodes a cacophony of colors, streaking through the darkness that surrounds her.

So I’ve been fighting a particularly bad bout of depression for the last few months. If you’ve ever been depressed, like at least 10% of the US (that statistic seems low to me, but it’s the best I could find), then you may recognize the feeling I’m describing with this painting.

When you have the stomach flu, there’s generally a period of hoping against hope that you’re not going to throw up, followed by a period of hoping you do throw up, because it will stop the pain.

One of the mood cycles in depression is a feeling of intense pressure within your mind, and you’re hoping and hoping that you can keep everything from flying apart…. followed by a time where you actually kind of want everything in your head to just explode already, so you can get on with picking up the pieces.

And sometimes when you’re still trying to keep it together, stuff starts leaking out around the edges.

My husband commented that it looked like she was regenerating – a Doctor Who reference. If so, it’s David Tennant’s regeneration – she doesn’t want to go, and it’s violent and painful and extraordinary.

Filed under Activist Art due to the continuing need to educate people about the reality of depression as a true illness.

“To Dream of Flying” by Heather Keith Freeman
8″x10″, pen and ink on watercolor paper

Image description: A silhouetted figure kneels against a blue-and-green background, ravens emerging from hir back and winging into the sky.

This is about the pain of transformation, even if it is into something wonderful. This figure is doubled over, clutching hir gut, even as zie sprouts the wings that are all zie has ever wanted, and in this moment there is nothing beyond the pain.

And what if zie wakes and it is all a dream?

I’ve spent the week recovering from Wiscon (short form: it was awesome! totally going back! informal reports on my personal journal), but here is the painting I alluded to earlier which was revealed for the first time at Wiscon’s art show:

[image description: A white woman looks nervously down from a pedestal formed of words, backed by a shimmering abstract blend of purple, red, and pink.

Forming the column of the pedestal, in myriad different handwritten fonts, are words generally framed as compliments to those perceived as feminine: "pretty, loyal, feminine, bubbly, ladylike, virgin, pure, precious, devoted, demure, charming, sexy, refined, vivacious, lovely, exotic, baby, accomplished, chaste, cute, darling, beautiful, sweet, adorable."]

I’m sure everyone’s familiar with the idea of a backhanded compliment: where all the words are polite, even nice, but they are used in a context and a manner that actually insults the person being described.

“You’re so much smarter than most girls!”

“….”

“What? I said you were smart! That’s a compliment!”

Even more subtle are descriptions that serve to separate and elevate the object; even if it is in a complimentary fashion, it is still dehumanizing. And with that built-in defense of “but it was a compliment”, no wonder it is so frequently used by those with more privilege to keep those below them in their place.

This piece focuses on those words most frequently used to compliment white women (I totally should have worked “delicate” and “fragile” in there too). A few words, like “exotic” and “dainty” are even more frequently aimed at women of color; the gender/race intersection when it comes to language is complex and hideous. (I focused on the language used on white women because that is what I am most familiar with, and I didn’t trust myself to deal with the racial intersection in a non-faily way.)

Because this comes up every. single. time I’ve talked to someone about this painting, I will reiterate that the problem is not with being complimented! The problem is with the context, the connotations, and the strength with which words like these call up the stereotype of a waifish, fainting flower with little intelligence and less willpower.

I don’t want to be put on a pedestal. It’s lonely and cold up here, and I feel so brittle, like I will shatter if I so much as breathe.

Well, Wiscon is but a week away, and I’m packing up my work to ship off to Michigan later today. (Yes, I’m attending the con, but do you think I’m trusting the airlines with this? Oh HELL no.) Here’s a sneak preview before it goes into the big box (and yes, there’s a new piece and a new-ish piece there, for those of you with really sharp eyes…)

I wish I’d been able to include Plaything and Half the Sky, but my printer went weird on me before I could get a good print of the one, and I don’t yet have a good scan of the other. It’s still a pretty good collection, though; I’m proud of it.

Movements #3 by Heather Keith Freeman
4″x6″, pen and ink on watercolor paper

Here’s the third in my Movements series, a set of small-scale portraits of women experiencing the joy of dynamic embodiment.

I had to completely redo this one. About 90% of the way through I masked the figure to do some color wash on the background, and when I peeled up the mask the top layer of paper came with it.

*head*desk*

Not sure why that happened, as I still don’t have much experience with masking fluid. Best guess is I laid it on too thick, and/or waited too long before peeling it back up (if an hour is too long?!). Anyway, I redid it after much grumbling, which of course took twice as long and didn’t turn out quite as well, but it’s alright.

Working on a couple of other bigger paintings now, so this series will probably take a brief hiatus until my to-do list is a little shorter.

Movements #2 by Heather Keith Freeman
4″x6″, pen and ink on watercolor paper

Here’s the second in my new Movements series, a set of small-scale portraits of women experiencing the joy of dynamic embodiment.

I experimented with masking fluid this time, and was quite pleased with the results.

Once I get four of them, I’ll probably make a 4-up poster as I did for the Fairy Burlesque Show.

Movements #1 by Heather Keith Freeman
4″x6″, pen and ink on watercolor paper

It’s been about a month since I’ve put any new artwork up. I’m working on about four different larger-scale pieces which are going very slowly. My frustration at not finishing anything was mounting, so I’ve started doing some smaller-scale studies in parallel, just so I can keep finishing things.

I don’t often do series – I usually lose interest and focus about midway through the second one – but the theme of this is loose enough I’ll give it another try. “Movements” portrays women experiencing the joy of dynamic embodiment, with an emphasis on showing those whose existence as dancers are usually erased by mainstream portrayals. I will also show a sense of the women enjoying movement for their own sake, not for the titillation of another’s gaze.

In this first one, the primary transgression against the mainstream dancer portrayal is the black woman’s natural hair. While there are black ballerinas, they are usually relatively light-skinned and present with a very White beauty aesthetic.

I actually finished this one a couple of weeks ago, but because it’s so tiny I promptly lost it until just a few days ago. Whoops.